How did the blonde try to kill the bird?

        She threw it off a tliff.

How does a blonde kill a fish?

        She drowns it.

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsa

puzzle in only 6 months?

        Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?

        "Nice tits!"

How does a blonde high-5?

        She smacks herself in the forehead.

How do you amuse a blonde for hours?

        Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?

        Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

Why do blondes have legs?

        A)So they don't get stuck to the ground.

        B)So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?

        The blonde!

How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?

        Flattered.

Why do blondes always die before help arrives?

        They always forget the "li" in "9-1-111.

What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by "the fuzz"?

        "No. But I've been swung around by the tits."

What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?

        Frosted Flakes.

How does a blonde interpret 6.9?

        A 69 interrupted by a period.

What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?

        You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios

        "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Why don't blondes breast feed?

        Because they always burn their nipples.

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Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?

        She kept having affairs with men!

Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?

        To cover up the valve stem.

What did the blonde name her pet zebra?

        Spot.

What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?

        A Space Invader.

What's a blondes' favourite rock group?

        Air Supply.

What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?

        The back of her head.

Why do blondes drive VW's?

        Because they can't spell PORSCHE!

How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?

        Tell them a joke on Friday night!

Why did God create blondes?

        Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?

        Branch Manager.

How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?

        She fell out of the tree.

Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?

        So they know if it is morning or afternoon.

Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?

        A blonde electrician.

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?

        So brunettes can remember them.

 Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?

        She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

Why are blondes hurt by people's words?

        Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Why do blondes have periods?

        They deserve them.

Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?

        Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?

        She realized she gave her last blowjob.

What did the blonde do when she got her period?

        Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"?

        She liked to be filled with cream.

What did the blonde say to the physicist?

        "Why, I just -love- nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Why are blondes like cornflakes?

        Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

How does a blonde hold her liquor?

        By the ears.

How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?

        You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

How do you drive a blonde crazy?

        Give her a bag of M&:Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.

What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?

        Proofreading.

Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?

        For throwing out the W's.

Why did the blonde try to steal a police car?

        She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.

What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?

        Last year's hide and seek champ.

How do you get a blonde pregnant?

        Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe pygmies?

        One's a bunch a cunning runts.

What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?

        A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?

        In the morning a rooster says, "Cocklll-doodl-doooo", while a

         blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket troll

        The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own..

What's the difference between a blonde and your job?

        Your job still sucks after 6 months.

What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?

        You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?

        Nothing

How do you get a blonde to marry you?

        Tell her she's pregnant.

What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?

        An air bag.

Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde

drives a car?

        Cause she blows the horn!

What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?

        It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?

        To turn the blinker off.

What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?

        A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?

        So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death

in their car at a drive-in movie theater?

        They went to see "Closed for winter

How can you tell when a blonde is dating?

        By the buckle print on her forehead.

What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?

        She can't say "No".

What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rica

        Retardo.

What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning.

        A visitor.

Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?

        So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?

        A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?

        They keep breaking them with the hammers.

What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?

        Perri"air.

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?

        Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?

        She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.

When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?

        When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?

        The Air Pump!

How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?

        Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?

        Because she got an F in sex.

What do you call two nuns and a blonde?

        Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?

        She missed.